An N.C.A.A. Press Release on Gender Disparity

First of all, on behalf of the entire N.C.A.A., I would like to apologize for the disparity between the men’s and women’s tournaments. It has been brought to my attention that there is a history of gender inequality, and we’re very concerned by this. As of last night, I have set up a committee of twenty men to look into the situation. It is urgent that this group—composed of former male athletes, male educators, and male executives—get to the bottom of the women’s problems. We think that female athletes are supercool and we want to help them dribble out of this mess!

Soggy Expectations

Thanks for reaching out, Amazon, even though I’m sure this is a bot and not an actual person. Like a Diane. Or a Brenda. I’m listing women’s names because guys don’t care. Sorry, I’m going through a break-up. I was absolutely blindsided.

To your question, no, the Dr. Scholl’s Double Air Pillo did not meet the expectations of my 82-year-old mother. Every week I order five items for her and then return all of them because nothing has met my mother’s expectations since 1977. She says it’s unrelated to me being born that year but sometimes I wonder.

After ordering and returning three pairs of comfort-forward sneakers to deal with a “lightning bolt of pain” in her arch, I suggested trying an insole. We started with the Dr. Scholl’s Single Air Pillo. It didn’t go well.