First of all, on behalf of the entire N.C.A.A., I would like to apologize for the disparity between the men’s and women’s tournaments. It has been brought to my attention that there is a history of gender inequality, and we’re very concerned by this. As of last night, I have set up a committee of twenty men to look into the situation. It is urgent that this group—composed of former male athletes, male educators, and male executives—get to the bottom of the women’s problems. We think that female athletes are supercool and we want to help them dribble out of this mess!